Words
I've scribbled the alphabet for meaning since I can remember.
I had a tremendous conversation on Flight 346 from San Diego to San Francisco, November 14th, 2015 (which is not the above photo, that's from Kagoshima airport and current, self-indulgent flight photo). It was so tremendous I needed to validate it with itinerant details. It was a red-eye. The tremendousness came from a high school sophomore named, Noah. He is on to something. About six minutes into the flight the banter turned quickly to depth. “I am from Orange County,” he says, “and my high school is trapped in by the mountains –“ “Aren’t mountains grand? I kinda love mountains.” “They are grand when in comparison, not when they are encircling you without a horizon.” “Got it,” my eyes widen. Noah went on to explain to me that he was leaving the “plasticity” of his area for the “merit” found in the people of “gritty Philadelphia” for the Thanksgiving holiday; he is staying with his Uncle. It was a compliment I completely identified with. “I think people need to focus on Self Restoration.” I honestly blink to hear him better, then ask, “What does that mean to you?” “They are so focused on accommodating what they want to receive in others,” Noah turns to me and slowly explains,” like satisfaction or being liked, which is someone validating who you are. That they don’t even know what they want because they don’t have enough of themselves." “I completely agree. How do you think people will do this?” “You might think I am crazy, but meditation. Have you tried it?” “Yes,” I keep my answers simple. I want to hear this brilliant Being talk. “Well –“ he hiccups. “Wait. You have meditated?” “Yes.” He scans my face to see if I am being honest, a very teenage move. “Oh. Cool. Okay, then maybe you know it can be very powerful. It actually works. It actually clears your mind.” I nod, “It does.” “Yes, so I am in the process of resetting my mind and becoming a better person.” I scream (inside) in gratitude for this kid. I was hopping a plane from Narita airport where I was blessed enough to travel with like-minded people and share work that we love, and now careening in mid-air to the noticeably altered air of the fast-paced American mindset as a lonely solider rather than amidst a brigade. This kid was reminding that hope is everywhere. So are kindred Spirits. “Kate, what do you think is the most important question to ask yourself?” “Who am I?” I respond immediately, thinking of Ramana Maharshi’s teachings, or more exactly when I was in Dawn Smelser's yoga class and she walked us through this meditation; all of the nasty things peeling through my internal wheels before the sturdy silence of, Who am I? finally arose. “Yes, but –“ be reorients. “Yes, I can see how that is a very good question," he emotionally placates me. "And important, but endless and unable to be defined, so it’s hard as a barometer for actual living.” Who is this kid, I thought. “I saw this youtube,” he continues, “where this guy talks about this and I thought his question was the best question you could ask yourself.” “Well, what is it?” “Am I enjoying myself?” I heard a loud silence, the words hitting the tin of the plane, Noah was still explaining and things like: “You will always have obligation and struggle, but how do we know it is purposeful? I mean I still don't understand the whole desire-less concept of Buddhism because that seems like a life of inaction, but I do understand that there is endless suffering. We always know what feels good, not like getting drunk – like really feeling good and that seems to be a reliable mechanism for knowing if we are in the right place and with the right people...” as he continues I wonder if pleasure was ever something I really considered. I was raised Catholic on the East Coast. Pleasure is not at the top of our virtues: Doing good, being good, working hard, serving others, not complaining – yes, all of these were taught, and they are good. Damn good. We need them and ...Was this kid the evolutionary fruition of our do-good-ness? We effort all of those aforementioned traits and out pops a generation that considers all of these earnest virtues and an expectation that we get to reap pleasure from our lives? Is that what people look like on I-95, on the Bullet train, or even in Hawaii when they are working 3 jobs because of rent distortion? Do people look like they are enjoying themselves? Are you enjoying yourself? I don’t think life is binary. I don’t think you pick up one crayon of virtue and paint your whole life with it – but damn it’s nice to have a box of 108 and use all of them. Yes, even the black and burnt sienna, but I was the kid that used the copper crayon for only the most special of occasions and that turned out to be next to never. I hear coloring is the new meditation. I’m doing it. Why? Because my friend and artist handed me the back of a yogi tea box about 2 years ago and told me to color my mind calm and it worked, and my Mom (because they always know) bought be a coloring book for my 39th birthday and I love it. I actually love it so much I have to remind myself – still – it’s a coloring book and you can mess it up and just turn a new page. You can too. Try here (thank you Kathleen Brigidina Haerr). We can hold all the things we hold dear, and more. We are allowed because we are. Noah and I chat all the way from San Diego to San Francisco – which is not far. We are actually on the same flight from San Francisco to Philadelphia, PA too, but it’s a red-eye and it’s late, and honestly the moment passed. He is real though. I saw him on the wrong side of the airport looking for a cab to take to his Uncle’s house. “Some details,” he begins to hide his embarrassment. I cut him off, “Noah, you just pop on over to the otherside – and a cab will grab you. I am so glad I get to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving – and good luck with the book.” He smiles, and walks off, waving. "Man seldom questions the fact that ugliness and evil are to be found in the world. But he's never as ready to accept that life also offers unlimited beauty and potential for joy as well as endless opportunities for pleasure." - Leo Buscaglia Kate is on the East Coast for the holidays + more seeing private clients on and off the table, inspiring balance and creativity in every day life. It's a whole new world these days; it's time we all join in. email kmbrenton@gmail.com for more info, Sit in Your Center workshops, and travel. Space open for extended clients, this January. Inquire within. xo, Kate
3 Comments
Home is where the hat is. Sometimes the thing we are looking for is so obviously in front of us, we cannot see it. Almost as if our direction is written upon our forehead. It’s cliché except I didn’t realize it as the time, so it’s just gauche. Last March, I packed all my stuff (there wasn’t much I had been living in a small hale, nestled in to Makaleha mountain. I know picturesque, but I technically only had three out of the customary four walls, so it was a bit wet and a little cold, yet still stunning and mine.) – so ,I packed all my stuff and put it in storage. Around that time I also bought this hat from Green Opihi. I thought it was so clever. Since March I have been across O'ahu, Big Island, and Kaua'i; traveled to Los Angeles and San Francisco, CA; Wilmington, NC; Philadelphia, PA, and Baltimore, MD. I am headed to Japan in a few days. I’ve seen a lot. My sweet friend on Kaua'i had walked past my room and saw the sleeping bag on the bed –“Kate,” she starts. “It’s one of the few consistent things,” I sweep her gently on. No discussion. I didn’t have the energy. Possibly because I was too busy packing and unpacking my bags, booking flights and dreaming on to the next city. Crazy, you say? You could never? Well, funny you mention that. I am also reading Untethered Soul right now and Michael Singer’s simplicity is reminding me of all the baggage we do carry around. Have you unpacked and let go of all that old luggage? You know the incident from fourth grade that still impresses how you __________ (fill in the blank), or the last job that convinced you to never __________ (fill in the blank), or that last relationship that taught you to forget __________ (fill in the blank), you get the idea. We all have baggage. And then sometimes in balancing that baggage we cannot see our own horizon, you know your head bent from all that weight and all. I will bet you in our search, as we are clunking along with these unnecessary and beaten suitcases, looking for that perfect seaside hotel – we are looking for something that we already possess. Seriously, look at that hat I have been running around in. I bet you whatever you have that is most weighing you down, can be lightened by something you carry within. Yes, it may take practice. It may take self-care and nurturance. It will most likely take you looking inside and releasing some thought form that no longer serves, or some wound that is really just wanting to heal, and yet, if we want to be lighter – more here, more joyful, well, it’s time to let go, and let God. Singer mentions in the book that there “Nothing, ever, is worth closing your heart over” (47). Now, I am not sure that is true. If we are not ready and we are not in the skilled mindset pretty horrific things can happen to us as humans, we close and that is okay. And we need to open back up. I love how he tells his readers that if you want to open “don’t close.” Straight and to the point. So how does that relate to me and the hat? Well, I suppose moving every few years in my childhood might have created an idea that homes are impermanent. And then I might sometimes (subconsciously of course) think that I don’t deserve to enjoy this wildly precious life that I am living and so therefore, well I am not really sure what goes after the therefore, but I liked typing it. It’s a good, strong adverbial conjunction that lets me feel like I know the linearity of it all. Have you ever heard the folk song about life is in “circles?” Me either, but I have been told about it. So, home is where the heart and where the hat is. I have paid so much attention to my mind I think my heart might have doubled down that if I ran around with this hat on for long enough, I might start to realize that the only true home I have is the one that I create and the only true thing that I have in this life is the vessal that I walk in and the only true place to ever reside is home, in yourself. So be here, now.
After Japan, I head to the states, Los Angeles first to share lomilomi sessions 11/17 - 19, onward to Philadelphia and the East Coast, home for the holidays with family…it’s been some time. More sessions, 11/30 - 12/21. More lomilomi. More Joy. I am walking into a new birth of an Inspired mind. I believe the key to joy is very simple: Learn your worth and live it. “If you want to do something sacred with your life, live it.” – KMB. There is a trick to getting help: You have to allow it. Here’s a clip a friend showed me about women accepting a compliment. I laughed and cringed at the reflection. How are you at receiving a compliment? Good? Good for you! Hard? Why? Have you ever thought about the inception of deflecting a compliment? I have. I don’t have an answer –yet. Just observations: “You are awesome.” “You too,” I toss back quickly. “Thanks for the help!” “You have always helped me,” I lobby. “You look great.” “So do you.” “Thanks for the insight.” “It’s not me,” and on and on I go. It’s quite the exercise to create a safety wall from appreciation. Yes, that is what we are doing. When did accepting a compliment translate into egotism? When did saying, “Thank you” become not enough? How about: “You are awesome.” “Thank you.” “You look great.” “Thank you.” “Thanks for the help.” “My pleasure.” “Thanks for the insight.” “You are welcome.” Or, perhaps a receptive smile. Silence is receptive. Silence is receptive. Slow down. Take an inhale and an exhale: Silence is receptive. I recently watched this and appreciated the most concise metaphor of what it is to create your life, and the phrase: In --> Out rather than Out --> In has really stayed with me. The gist is that when we were kids we acted as we felt and lived in a world of that reality. As adults, we look to our external environment and adjust to fit, as opposed to that child who lives openly and thusly happily regardless of environment. And it seems in the world today there is an immense amount of lack: not good enough, worthy enough, rich enough, pretty enough...so, if we look outside before turning on the Spark inside, well it can be a little tricky. Take the time to tend the internal flame, and we light up everything and everyone around us -- just like a baby's smile. When we turn inward and take responsibility for our creation and a complimentary reflection comes, it’s time to accept it: say, thank you. If you are wanting to claim a space at the table, and you receive a compliment which you deflect, that is the same as shaking your head at an offered seat and walking away proud of your gallantry only to sulk in the corner. There is no beauty there. What we believe of ourselves is what others believe of us. What we allow for ourselves is what we live. If we allow Grace, we allow Beauty to find us. We allow Life to Live us. "Where is the door to God? In the sound of a barking dog, In the ring of a hammer, In a drop of rain, In the face of Everyone I see." -Hafiz Let the Grace In. It's time. -stay connected, kate. @wisdomofone I’m back in Hawaii. I am so grateful to be back in Hawaii, I trembled in gratitude in the airport. Trembled. It’s not because there are beaches and sun, necessarily. It is because Nature is still a living and respected entity here. It is because there is beauty in the land, in the people. You feel alive. Guess what – there is beauty everywhere. Philadelphians, can you imagine the Schuylkill River before pollution? I sat near the Delaware River in Port Richmond in a little nook, climbing over trash, watching trash float down the current of the river as I also watched a family of three geese, and I still felt the calmness that Nature provides; I sat there and received nourishment and apologized for desecrating Her, Mother Nature. There is no them. We are all responsible. And guess what else, we all deserve access to beauty and nature. We do. We absolutely do. I was going to research articles to cite here to prove to you – and then I didn’t. I didn’t because I am no longer interested in your rational mind. I don’t need a statistic to prove to you that you feel better around Nature. I am appealing to the part of you that has become dormant, pushed away, disassociated, shut down, but still very much there. I am appealing to the you that smiles at the first snow, that sighs at fresh flowers on the table, twinkles her toes in the ocean, stretches his spine in the sun, or exhales joy from pikake. The mountain climber. The outdoor napper. The fresh fruit eater. I am appealing to the you that thinks you can only see beauty on vacation. Wake up; it’s not true. And stop getting mad at those that live near Nature. Please consider extending kindness to those that think farming and living more connected to the Earth is worthwhile; please stop dismissing them as "hippies." Perhaps there is a way to be a modern human, and think other lives matter just as much as yours – including trees, do you remember learning about photosynthesis and the carbon dioxide /oxygen exchange necessary for human life – without being a hippie? (Okay, there is one citation. I couldn't help it.) Maybe being conscious of what provides you life and choosing to be as kind as is available to you is called being a human being - not a hippie. Maybe when we start realizing that we are worth more, we can extend that kindness to others. All others. But honestly, start with yourself. Start with the grass you just walked over and never noticed, or start noticing that there is no grass and you are always on concrete, with ear buds in and your phone glued to your hand and wonder why you cannot relax. Maybe it’s connected. We cannot thrive in a mall, on our phone, or in a synthesized reality. Sorry, it’s true. Here is one article I beg you to read, here We can change. And we can start now, love. #startnowlove 1. Go outside 2. Inhale, Exhale + say, “Thank you.” 3. Repeat 4. Notice It won’t cost you a thing. And please, please, have a beautyfull day. #startnowlove is a tiny book that I have been working on in conjunction with #The100DayProject. To watch the progress or hear about upcoming events follow on insta: @wisdomofone | send me an email and tell me what you are working on kmbrenton@gmail.com | check out wrtitingbrilliant.com if you are ready to mid-wife your own project.
Imagine the discipline of choosing to be h-a-p-p-y each and every morning. What a phenomenal practice to commit to. You wake up to make your coffee, the cream is gone; you are tired and easily agitated, ready to yell at an innocent bystander (your partner, your kid, your cat), and then you remember: I am choosing happiness. You have to remember this choice. It’s a choice. Happiness, kindness, compassion: these are cultivated skills. It’s easy to be happy when the world is easy. It’s a choice to be happy when you resent your boss, are hungry without enough cash, are hurt by a close friend, or even filling out a college application - - all while choosing to be happy. Now, I don't mean skip along and disassociate. Think about the rudimentary steps of choosing to be happy when upset. It might go something like this: 1. Anger flares and you are angry. 2. Stop long enough to realize you are not your anger (sadness, bitterness, etc. This is a tricky step.) 3. Breathe 4. Choose another emotion 5. Do the best you can, today * *That means being okay with how well or how miserably you make your choice. I have been totally upset and "choosen" to be happy. Now, I might make that choice - but the reaction and the reality I am having and the chatter of my mind is still back on how pissed I am. Practice makes perfect. Excellence doesn't come overnight. So maybe I am only 3% happy and I have to hang on for dear life until the other 97% catches up. This is not magic. This happiness is work- every day. The recent Pixar movie Inside Out is a great and easy speaking-metaphor about picking what response you have to the world. Often times we may not even know that we have taken so long to choose the peptide of happiness, we cannot find it. (Yes, your emotions are a chemical reaction. Read more). Choosing to see the glass as half full, the driver next to you not as a moron, your mother-in-law not as a heat-seeking missile are all choices. Choosing to see your Self as good enough, lovable enough, worthy enough is a choice.
But we can start with instagram poses. #withcompassion Then graduate to smiling at the cashier in front of us, today, who is working at a job she may or may not like, in a life that may or may not be easy, for no reason other than we are choosing to be happy, even if we have to fake it until we make it. And when we choose to be happy, we are choosing to share that choice with others. How about that for instant-gratification? Instant kindness. Watch the smiles grow. Happiness: Choose it. “Look a little deeper, we are all connected.” – MC Yogi
Walking in to OFC on Fairmount in Philadelphia for an uncertainly productive Wednesday morning, I scout for a table. The place is great. Great light. Great food. Great people – easy. The tricky part is me. I wasn’t even sure what to order. “Do you have pour-overs?” “I don’t know, I’m new.” “That’s okay,” We both laugh. “I’ll ask,” he leans over then answers, “No.” “Okay, I’ll have the Columbia drip. Large.” He reaches for a paper cup. “I’m here though.” “Large is only in paper –“ I motion that either works and realize that neither one of us is very certain, and yet we are both incredibly accommodating and willing. I waddle to a table – although it takes me about three tries to pick one, and as I type I am still eyeing…and now have literally moved to the perfect table: right by an open window, but not in direct sun; close to an outlet and a wall, but not boxed it; near the hum of people, but quietly focused. It just took a little ahonui. Ahonui, you may know, is the name of my four-footed wonder, my dog. It is also the Hawaiian word for “patience with perseverance.” Patience alone lacks that tenacity of fortitude, I was told once. Patience is the kindness that can last all day, yet still knows the goal will be achieved. Ahonui: patience with perseverance. So, in this post Solstice time, if you feel the warmth of the sun moving you to create and you aren’t just sure how to yet…..take one step. Grab one table, and then when the college student with a quail baseball cap leaves – you move. Seriously, do it in small ways that work up to big ones. For us, this summer has been fantastic and edgy. Yes, even for us the new leaps can be a little edgy; it's one way I know I am growing. I am excited to be hosted at new studios and even new cities to share lomilomi. We are ecstatic that a supportive friend + client is bringing us to Baltimore for the first time (already booked with a waiting list), and we are looking for studios to launch empowerment classes in the fall. Yes, we will be working on the East Coast again in the late fall and we are even working on some sweet collaboration projects so stay tuned. Grab your latte and your apricot scone and come have a chat with us – tell us what you are creating, where you are going and how you are sharing your greatness because it’s time. Here's a little Ahonui for you. Share it + have a beautiful day. Having a fantastic time in Allentown visiting our dear friend and yogini, Amy Angelo before a torrential downpour that left us sopping wet, laughing and in witness to a tremendous rainbow. You know, there are no rainbows without a little rain. What are we up to?Happily exteneded Lomilomi sessions in Philadelphia, limited dates through July, packages available.
Opening space for 3 Writing Brilliant clients: Reclaim your creative voice, email me to see if we are a good fit for getting it write(right). Lomilomi returns to the South Bay in August and North Bay in October. Level One: Introduction to Polynesian Philosophy in the North Bay this October. OPEN: Workshops for Women launching this Fall. We are on Day 14 of The 100 Day Project where we are writing a page a day for a tiny book to be completed early 2016. Follow our progress on instagram. We are using Tulsi from Wisdom of the Earth and the Ananda Spray from Golden Aromatherapy to keep cool this summer. What are you up to? Follow us on insta @wisdomofone or FB or send us a letter and let us know how you are doing. We are looking for a web designer too, if you know of a recommendation, a like-mimded soul send us an email at kmbrenton@gmail.com Much Love, Kate Visualization is deceptively powerful. I know this. I don't always do this. Actually, I don’t always consciously do this. Yet I am always doing it. Sometimes I am actually doing more of it with what I don’t want (it’s called worry) than what I do want. There is a great + easy article in Psychology Today (read it here) sharing some documented visualization achievements: For instance, Natan Sharansky, a computer specialist who spent 9 years in prison in the USSR after being accused of spying for US has a lot of experience with mental practices. While in solitary confinement, he played himself in mental chess, saying: “I might as well use the opportunity to become the world champion!” Remarkably, in 1996, Sharansky beat world champion chess player Garry Kasparov! It can also come in the smallest of ways. Over a month ago, I packed up my hale (home) in Hawaii and headed off the islands for awhile to teach and to share in the space of some precious people. Knowing I would be gone for longer than ever before, I packed up my sweet dog, Ahonui (patience with perseverance in Hawaiian). I was terrified that the flights would be too much, that the city life would be too much, that it all would just be too, too much for her, yet when asked I would smile and tell people she is fine. Why? Because I needed to make it so. There was no room for doubt. I needed to reroute my fears and believe she would be okay. I am quite a dog person. I have been blessed with two above ordinary, outstandingly gifted dogs. One from Philadelphia, who I moved to Hawaii and now one from Hawaii who I was taking to Philadelphia. I remember how much I loved taking my first dog, Kyla, down to the shore and letting her romp momentarily on the beach, eventhough Ahonui was used to long romps on some of the most gorgeous beaches I shifted my mind to focus on the joy of having her run in New Jersey. Yes, New Jersey and where I had spent so much time. It became a fixation. Ahonui in Ocean City. It is all I saw. We flew from city to city. I worked in place to place – and all I could tell my patient partner was when I got to Philadelphia: “We have to go to the beach.” “Okay, like for a weekend.. in June?” “No, we have to take Nui, immediately.” “Ok.” “No, I mean like first weekend.” “Gotcha,” he soothed, although even I couldn’t explain my vehemence. Our first Saturday morning we grabbed breakfast at OFC – pumpernickel bagel, breakfast sandwich is my favorite – and piled onto the freeway. I drove. Normally, he drives. I was adamant. We sang Bruce Springsteen and talked about childhood summers. I took us across the Egg Harbor bridge; I thought about my grandfather who passed two years ago and heard him say, in my head as he did when I was a child, “Ocean City here we come.” I cried a little; I think I hid it. I smelled years upon years as we drove through on a grey morning all the way down to 55th street. I shifted from reminiscing to present joy; I hopped out of the car, I called out to my little Hawaiian ilio (dog) who is accustomed to running every morning across Kealia beach on Kauai; we all scampered over to the dunes, where there was a sign that said: No Dogs on Beach, with some unclear dates that left us, after an hour drive, deflated and confused. I stared at the grey ocean of my youth, tough and cold, powerful and forgiving. I just stood. I heard the silence in the ocean’s consistency. I felt we were supposed to be here. I didn’t know what I had done wrong; what I had missed. I know, it’s just a dog on a beach. But – every time we work at something - doesn’t it all seem like it is going the path of ease, and then there is a little hitch. The hitch is the moment. It’s the moment you decide. It’s the moment that makes all the moments work. I stood there. My partner had suggested there might be a dog park, or we could go along another way. I stood there. I curled my toes into the sand. I stared at the ocean and I breathed. I felt the currents of opposing emotions and I stood there. Out of the corner of my eye, a little girl came around the corner, black dog on the end of her leash, her mother in tow. They walked righ up the dune, and over to the beach. Just. Like. That. I looked down at Ahonui, patience with perseverance, she wagged her tail. My heart lifted. I sent up a thank you. All three of us tore off down the beach. I watched her run into the ocean and sniff the difference. I ran with her into the icy cold arms of the Atlantic ocean, and I felt the stress, the planning, the travel, the unknown, run down my legs and into the salty embrace. I realized: I’m here. We did it. I realized that all the uknowns, all the prayers for safety, the focused intent of arriving back on the East Coast was wrapped up in that little visualization image of a black dog on a grey, sandy beach. I realized that the image gave my being, my sometimes doubting and wondering mind, a place to focus. I realized as we stood in the present moment of a long intended vision, my body self registered success. We are here, now, joyfully. It is the discipline of our mind, our opinion of our Selves, our tenacity to create a life we want to live that makes it so. Do we see all the wrong? Do we focus on one little right? Do we realize how much bends towards us - for us - in the creation of one perfect moment? We drove back from the beach, all three of us panting in joy – okay two smiles and one lopping tongue. Reinvigorated, reconnected, relieved. I thought: I need to do this more often. Kate + Ahonui travel sharing the philosophy of aloha from sea to sea. e-mail kmbrenton@gmail.com for questions or follow us on instagram @wisdomofone
“Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many; the intelligence of a few perceives what has been carefully hidden."― Phaedrus I'm traveling around to some new places. It takes me a moment to ground in - to breathe in the vibe. One of those is the Dog Patch of San Francisco; it's actually pretty sweet when you take the time to check out the nooks and crannies. I told my host, a sweet yogini, that I had taken to local coffee shops as a ritual to wander the neighborhoods and connect with community. "Oh, we have a Philz." "No? You have a Philz," I sigh relieved as my GPS had told me I would be hiking for miles under freeways to find anything. "Yes, totally top secret - just down that alley." "I just learned about the one in Santa Monica. Everything is so new and "secret" here." "Yes," she laughs. "Go there you will love it." I had woken up a little disoriented just feeling in to what the next three months of travel and unknown would bring. This little coffee shop seemed like a good sign: Something known. I walk past a patch of green, down the industrial alleyway and find the huge, bright new Philz: easy. The door had a lock and a keypad - no go. I walk past the windows where two employees have their heads tucked down. Probably not open yet, I thought. I walk on - but stop to check my phone. It was 8:28am on a Sunday - of course they are open. And then a man walks towards me - smiling - with two coffees in his hand from Philz. I feel like an idiot: Maybe the entrance was around the corner? Maybe there was a universal cool San Francisco code? Maybe I had not tried hard enough? I sashay back to the door. Punch a few buttons: nothing. Gently turn the handle: nothing. Yank the handle: nothing. Walk up to the corner: nothing. Try the door again with a calmer breathing rate: nothing. Gah. A little fixated, completely humiliated for not getting such a simple thing, I defeatedly do something I never do, the unthinkable: I ask for help. I stand stupidly at the window while shrugging my shoulders and motioning towards the door at the employee who has caught my eye. At first, I was proud that I had asked - but then I see the guy's body language: completely frustrated. He saunters across the large coffeehouse, opens the previously locked door, steeling a smile and says: "I can help you." Confused, I blurt: "Oh?" "Sure." "Are you open?" "No." "Oh. What time do you open?" "Tuesday." "Tuesday?" I began to shrink in embarrassment, and the guy begins to soften seizing up the moment. Simultaneously we both speak: "I am visiting and had no idea --" "Totally come in, I can help you." As we walk in, I explain hesitantly, "I thought you were closed. Then I thought I was an idiot," I continue to over explain, "when I see another other guy with coffee....." He giggles, "Oh my god don't worry about it. Are you really from Hawaii?" "I live there yes, and I had just found the Philz in Santa Monica. And loved it + got really excited when I heard about this one. My friend said it was secret, but didn't say you weren't open." "It is totally cool. I am glad you found us. What would you like this morning?" I look up: "Whatever is the easiest you are totally helping me out." "They are all the easiest, but I am gonna make you something good. We actually have our grand opening in 2 days and are only responding to people that are like, "Hey can I like come in?" "Like me." "No, you're fine totally. You have to come back for opening party on Tuesday though," he invites. "I fly out Monday. Thanks though." "Well then you were SUPPOSED to be here today." I smile and look for a lid. "Wait, try it first and make sure it is perfect." It didn't matter, I am already warmed by his kindness, but I sip anyway. "Perfect." I reach for my purse. He shakes his head, "This is totally on me today. Come back when you come back to visit San Francisco." I well up, just for a moment. Not the real tear kind, just the watery shock of unexpected kindness. It seems I am more braced for anger than kindness in a seemingly rushed and scared world. "You just changed my day," I smile, walking slowly. "Enjoy your visit," he calls after me. Seriously people, just be nice. This morning my pup and I headed down early to the Beach for a long walk alongside the ocean. Yes, I am grateful each day for the gorgeous, lusciousness upon which I live. As we walked, I contemplated where this year had taken us, the losses the gains, the hopeful growth – the onwardness of it all. The trick to onward, is doing it anyway. You aren’t sure how? Do it anyway. You aren’t sure where? Start where you are. You aren’t sure who will show up? Start with yourself. If you have a dog, it’s pretty helpful: you have a loyal party of two. We stared off at the ocean and offered her our Uncertainity. We didn’t pray for more; we prayed to be shown how to better use all that we have. We asked for forgiveness on being so slow to embrace all that was given. We admitted our fear, and we offered it to the Ocean. Before it got too warm on the black asphalt (I have a black dog; they do tend to pant more quickly), we hopped in our car to head home. Remembering the lack of milk for coffee, I pulled my dusty grey CRV over in front of a dusty convenience store and walked in and walked back through time. I scanned the walls of old posters: scenes of Hawaii, campaign ads from thirty years ago, and sagging wooden shelves. An older gentleman peaked behind the counter. “Hello, I have lived here for 6 years and I don’t think I have ever been in here!” “Oh no?” he chuckled. “Well, we have been here since 1940.” “1940?” “Yes, in 1990 I took it over from my mother. And now I am retiring.” “Wow,” I couldn’t think of anything clever to say as my head swiveled to take in the history. “And you are retiring! When?” “Well, as soon as I sell off all my stock,” he motioned to many empty, yet some considerably full shelves. Mostly of alcohol. “We have a deal 20% off Spirits.” I am not much of a drinker, sans the most perfect glass of red wine, but I looked around, and my eyes landed on one perfect thing. “I’ll take the Choya.” He looked at me just as surprised as my voice sounded, buying liquor at 9:15am on Equinox. But you see, this was not coincidence. Wrapped up in that bottle of umeshu, or bottles past, were long nights of conversation with dear beloveds. There are long wooden tables in Japan, with obasan making us warmed tea and cajoling us into laughter as our traveling pack roamed through new horizons both external and internal. In that simple bottle, is the elixir of friendships and losses that on this most auspicious of days are some of the fondest tears and smiles that have watered my life. “I love umeshu.” He smiles. He knows I am buying it for him. I know that an act of kindness never goes unnoticed by Universe. It is actually as much for me as it is for him; now, instead of looking back at sips savored, I begin this New Cycle, with gratitude and salutations to come. “Many Blessings on your retirement,” I smile. “Thank you,” he smiles. “Aloha,” we both say as I turn to walk out the door, onward. Tao Te Ching by Lao-tzu Legge, Translator(Sacred Books of the East, Vol 39) [1891] 1 The Tao that can be trodden is not the enduring and unchanging Tao. The name that can be named is not the enduring and unchanging name. (Conceived of as) having no name, it is the Originator of heaven and earth; (conceived of as) having a name, it is the Mother of all things. Always without desire we must be found, If its deep mystery we would sound; But if desire always within us be, Its outer fringe is all that we shall see. Under these two aspects, it is really the same; but as development takes place, it receives the different names. Together we call them the Mystery. Where the Mystery is the deepest is the gate of all that is subtle and wonderful. |
Support the Inspiration.Archives
January 2019
|