I’ve seen the meme: Not my circus. Not my monkeys.

Today, in the Wissahickon Park : It was not my duck.

Let me explain.

I was chatting with a friend of mine, how we were noticing lots of women friends of ours were similarly going through some change in our lives. Not that change, necessarily, but a change.

It’s a subtle change with far reaching possibility. So subtle it really is a mere feeling, a whisper.

But the whisper seems to be something like: Do more by doing less. Or maybe it’s be more by doing less. Something of that configuration. 

To jump track on quantitative accomplishment in a world that is hell-bent on doing can make one think they are going crazy. So we often, don't.

More being is not about laziness, yet it can feel like laziness in a society that lauds doing to the point that we alternate Starbucks for Redbull, mid-day switch to bourbon and topped off with Zoloft at night, as the norm — as long as we are doing (insert forced smile and a go-get-um air punch) then everything must be a-okay.

Guess what? It’s not working. 
It’s not.

Maybe you are one of the lucky ones that is figuring it out now, so you feel completely inadequate because there is no paradigm for change and you feel alone. That’s just it — there is no paradigm for change.  When we are safe to speak our vulnerability in a circle of trusted peers, we may just learn that there are a pop-corning few others that are feeling just as we are feeling. You are not alone.

I attended a talk last night at Palo Santo, where Vraja Kishor talked about us all being rays of consciousness off the root of consciousness. It’s like that. It’s also like the 100 monkey theory (which has been debunked yet is still widely cited).  Sometimes a whole bunch of people simply start to notice that it is time to do things differently. Sometimes things don't make sense. Sometimes we have to feel the bravery of doing something all alone to realize that we are indeed - not alone.

My friend mentioned, “That if you can see the path ahead of you - then it is not your path.”

Yup. Sometimes as life gets better or bigger it simultaneously becomes more nuanced. Or maybe life is life and we just have the ability to notice more when we give our selves more space to do so.

Moments after she had mentioned the unseen, the felt path that must be forged and trusted before it is understood or even seen; a path that appears as you are the only one going down it  — I saw a pair of ducks fly off into the sky. So beautiful.

Next, I noticed this itty bit baby duckling paddling its little legs off to get up stream. She was tiny. She was headed right for a rip current that she swirled into, almost capsized over from, and got brought back right to the ebb where she started. It was heartbreaking and memorizing to watch.

She journeyed forth again. Swimming, avoiding the ebb and now hopping on to a giant rock. What the little baby duck couldn’t see -  but we could -  was that if she stayed close to the water she would have a larger, more dangerous rip ahead that would surely send her downstream at best and probably much worse.

“I cannot stand here," I declare and wade into the water, aiming to get closer to the duck, to help. My girlfriend heads closer up to the rip current to see what could be done and how to help the duck scout ahead. Noticeably neither of us dashed right for the duckling. 

Her husband sat down and watched. Why? Well he realized what took us a few more minutes and a pair of wet shoes to realize: This is Nature.

As much as we wanted to help - something still held us back as we watched innate tenacity in action, and while we panicked for the duck — she headed straight on up stream as fast as she could, out of sight.

You cannot save anyone, not even a duck.

We reflected how our intervening could have even hurt our beloved duckling, dragging her further off course — even in our desire to help - this was not our circus, or our journey and in all our knowingness - we knew nothing.  There is also the reality we don’t like to think of: Perhaps this duckling was a runt and like it or not lives perish, relationships perish, jobs dissipate, death is constantly upon us. 

So while we can, we may want to consider taking a moment to set some space for being, and being sure we are headed to our heart’s destination, for that gives us the fortitude to face and overcome the inevitable rip currents. Our focused intent enables that no matter what - like that little duck — we carry on the best that we can. For sometimes the help we so desperately seek in this moment to make life easier could, actually take us further away from our precious destination, home.

I learned a lot from that little duck — just watching her be who she is.

We had dishes I detested (read, hated). 

I have set-up so many homes, given away, borrowed, bought more dish-sets than I can remember. It doesn’t matter, I told myself. The dishes. I don’t have to like them. They are just dishes - move along.

You know, the things that I eat my daily nourishment upon where I send a subtle message to my body how much I respect and honor it (read, strong personal belief system about said dishes). Hated the dishes. 

One especially sweet Wednesday night, I walked over took all the dishes and walked them out to the curb. Yes, just like that: one fell swoop.

“Do we have new—“ my fella asks me, logically thinking of what he will be eating off of.

“Nope. I just can’t - “ I swish my hand.

End of conversation. The dishes are gone.

If you want to change a habit in your life - create some space for the new, at some point, you simply have to do it. 

Fast forward, 24 hours later I am downstairs in the basement, going through an old box and find a set of dishes. 

No, I don’t love these dishes, yet I do detest them less than the dishes that the garbage man took away. So I bring them upstairs and gratefully (<— key point) place them in the kitchen cabinet. Because these dishes are a step closer to where I want to go.

They effortlessly appeared (read, I forgot I even had them), when I made myself available to finding them. We take one step — and the world rushes towards us. What other resources do we forget that we have because we simply don’t make space to find or have it revealed to us?

Five days after that, my mother brings me a few boxes of my belongings that I had stashed from my last East Coast home. Do you want to guess what is in there?

Yes, a set of dishes.
And I like these dishes even more than the last — and I am still not there - yet I am closer. 

Are you wondering — Kate just go buy the dishes?
I am. 

P.S.
It’s not really about the dishes.

​Are you calling something in to your own life? Have you made the space for the first option to show up? When the first option shows up do you complain, or do you remember how eye exams go?

“Kate,  A or B?”
“B.”

“And now, B or C?”

“C.”
“Great, and now, C or D?”

And on we walk through the alphabet of our lives, getting better one step at a time.

Don't overthink it.
Do set-up your intention.
Do surround yourself with authentic accountability (a friend, a Facebook group, a Coach). Do just one thing. 
xo,
Kate
Follow me on Insta. I’m sharing things that bring me to #sitinyourcenter  
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Want more? Read Mark Manson's awesome post about passion.