​It went something like this, at a kitchen table, amidst a house adorned by the chaos of an almost toddling child in desperate need of a deep clean (the house, not the child):
 
Me: Iʻm making apple pies for Aaronʻs first birthday.
Corey: We can buy pies, itʻs okay. Itʻll save time.
 
A variation of the two above sentences played out repeatedly over the weeks. If you think this story doesnʻt apply to you, I encourage you to read on. Birth applies to everyone.
 
“Non-negotiable” was the exact word I used when both of my parents also tried to intervene and explain that it was okay to have a store bought cake  – there was enough to do.
 
“Itʻs a hard line, non-negotiable,” Iʻd respond automatically. No room for discussion.
 
So 48 hours before the party, with family arriving from out of town, I packed my little man in a car and drove an hour to our favorite orchard to pick his first apple. Non-negotiable, Iʻd repeat to anyone listening.
 
My outing was met with traffic and delayed  all my careful planning. Fast-forward to me frantic, the next morning, despite all my zen-hipster-older mom cool, I was losing it. I peeled and peeled. I melted butter, added cinnamon and listened to music from Aaronʻs fourth trimester playlist, and on came the tears.
 
I was not sad. Water, tears, emotions, all of it was simply leaking out of my body as I peeled and individually placed each coconut sugared slice of apple.
 
I often refer to Karla McLarenʻs book, and I was recently re-reading on the need to integrate our experiences in our life for us to be fully present.  For our autonomic nervous system to rest in some semblance of balance, we need to return, feel un-integrated emotions, and bring that peace / piece back inside of ourselves. When  BIG events happen (read: trauma) a little bit of us steps to the side to protect us,  so that we can move on through our day and our life, coming back to integrate the pieces later.
In an intact culture, there are rituals and practices, a community of peers or Elders to instigate a return, a whisper of support, an acknowledgement of the new. Because when you pass through a threshold: a marriage, a divorce,  a business, a failure, a death, a birth, a big moment in time – you are altered. You are new, again.
 
Hereʻs the hitch, in our faster, next, never stop scrolling, never do nothing culture we miss the pause for the cycle to come around and clean up, catch up – really integrate the pieces of us or an experience we couldnʻt get the first time through, leaving us disconnected, frazzled and never quite "here."
 
Should I have told  you first that I needed convincing that we needed a big party? I kept hearing, “Itʻs a milestone.” My modern mind thought: “Pshht. We will celebrate him and move along –no biggie,”
 
My family and my body knew differently. There is a cycle to birth; there is a cyclical revisit; there is an integration and it is necessary. The fact that I thought the 1st birthday wasnʻt  a big deal would be the first clue my practitioner self would notice in another as a key that there WAS something that needed space for integration.
 
It was in the apple pie peels, in the shaky assembling of the crust that so many unspoken emotions, from all over the spectrum tumbled out. It was the effort and the offering of the pies that opened up the gates of emotions. 
 
THIS is why we need ritual. This is why we need each other, I relearned that day. We need a way to return, to integrate, to be witnessed and suss through some of lifeʻs difficulty (or magnanimous generosity) that was a bit too big to chew the first time through.
 
Thank goodness, I thought, for those apple pies. Women, in their wisdom, grandmomʻs in their kitchens with their alchemical recipes ---- was that why their cooking tasted so good? In the flour and the butter are the tears of pure joy and anguish for the ones we love to love.
 
As a beginning and a continuation of this conversation, Iʻll be making more apple pies as a return to  ritual.
What about you? Where is ritual in your life?
 
“Ritual is able to hold the long-discarded shards of our stories and make them whole again. It has the strength and elasticity to contain what we cannot contain on our own, what we cannot face in solitude.” 
― Francis Weller 
 
I have learned – am learning – so much as a parent. At first, admittedly, I wanted to keep that sharing to a minimum: I mean my newsletter list didnʻt sign up to read about Kate the Parent.
 
And that is -  what I am realizing - one of the foundationally flawed mindsets of our current culture. We think we can place our children on a shelf and include them only when appropriate, rather than building a culture that is appropriate for our children.
 
May you enjoy the slowing down of October, and the call of those that came before us;  those who bore the weight to make space for our existence, good, bad or indifferent, so that we may walk our own road.
 
May we be kind,
Kate
 
 Updates:
 
Lomilomi Sessions: Lafayette Hill: Sundays in November + December
We can work together to create space for you.
Holiday Gift Certificates available and all mamaʻs prenatal + postpartum are welcome on the table. 
 
Lomilomi Intensive: If you are curious about lomilomi, feeling a little disconnected and looking to reconnect to meaning, or looking to add depth to your current bodywork practice – join us November 4th 12 – 5pm at Yoga on Main.  Investment $150
 
Retreat on Kauai: Come reconnect with your Self in the paradise that is Kauaʻi. Soak in the mana of the mountains, the love of the ocean, the sweetness of the local fresh food, and submerge your set in the learning of Lomilomi for yourself, and your community. Join Us. Learn more here -- the beauty and brilliance of Kauaʻi is calling. 
 
Happy Samhain! Kate

originally sent in newsletter August 2018

"Put things in order before they exist – Tao Te Ching 
 
The fourth trimester is over and it is time to get back into the swing of things.

But that sentence alone is flawed, not grammatically, but indeed structurally.

There is no back – nor should there be. There actually never is a “back to” which in essence is an escape from, but when you are a new Mom in American society – a society that has stopped caring about moms since the baby shower, and really wants you to “get back”  – and quickly.
 
“Are you back to work yet?”

“Are you back to yourself?”

“Did you get your body back?”
 
Back. Back. Back.
 
Well, I can feel  my back all the time and thanks for some body awareness it is doing well – but no one really wants to hear about that back, or entertain the notion that creating a human indeed takes longer than 6 weeks for things to spring – back.
 
You want to know what I keep hearing?
It takes a year.
A year! I said. Not me. No way – I will do it sooner.
 
First contemplation:  Why is sooner perceived as better?
 
“Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?”  - Tao Te Ching
 
I had a fantastic conversation with my chiropractor, Dr. Justin Ohm, of the Phildelphia area – and he explained (and I am remembering from memory) that No, you donʻt want to do the crunches and exert the abdominal muscles like everyone tells you. You donʻt want to rush the body. And when they tell women their strength is gone – that is simply not true. There may be things that need to be moved along or out of the body from teh tremendous experience that is birth, but the first step: You want to reestablish communication.

Huh, I leaned in because that felt true. 
 
Apparently the prolactin in your system (that lets ligaments enlongate, bones seperate, and the complete re-org that is Birth) continues for several months because there is so much change in the body you do not want to rush the reconfiguration, rather the body drops off and drops back in to a new alignment, and hopefully a new strength.
 
I felt such relief – and the wisdom felt right.
I slowed down.
 
And then – there was this class that I desperately wanted to take with Jamie Broderick to help pivot my outreach a bit, and increase my online presence. I was so excited for our introduction call. (Yes, please notice the inconsistency).
 
Except, the baby was crying and I missed the call.
 
Undeterred, I called her back in several minutes [sidenote Jamie was fantastic, present, and accomodating] and as I sat on the call I realized two things.
 
One, this woman knows what she is talking about and can really help me.
 
Two, itʻs not the right time. For a multitude of reasons, but mostly:  I cannot tend to my child and this at the same time – right now. Not never -  just not now. In all honesty it took me two weeks to come to this conclusion. I took my time swimming in anxiety, pressure, and judgment – pushing the river from my own mind and from the hive mind around me: Get back to it, Kate!
 
I remembered on the call, when Jamie spoke of her Networking Group – she mentioned in the variety of community: “You get connected for whatever you need, maybe even babysitting, who knows.”
 
I donʻt need babysitting – I thought to myself.
 
But I do.
I do need babysitting.
Hey Kate: Get back here & slow down!

When I asked myself, what is my highest priority now? It was Aaron. No hesitation. No social norms needed. I had personal clarity -- and joy with its truth.
I emailed Jamie and found out the class ran again in April. Done. That felt right.
Again, simple.
 
Nature has her own rhythm (each family has their own rhythm) and all is provided for -- if we make ourselves available.
Look outside. Look up.
Yes, if you are reading this on your hand-held, right now, take a breath, wiggle your toes and look up at the sky. 
There is your proof.
Simple as that.

No – none of this is Earth shattering stuff. It is merely a whisper that when you slow down, there is more available to you. You might even become available to you.

Put things in order before they exist – Tao Te Ching 

I have found whispers so precious, much more so than screams.

Gurmukh mentioned in this movie...How you breathe is how you live. Long, deep breaths - long, deep life. Short, shallow breaths -  short, shallow life.
 
I exhaled.
 
I made a list.
I committed to “Put things in order before they exist.” 
 
What is the outcome? Where is the storyʻs end?
It doesnʻt.

We are quite literally in medis res.

BUT, we are actually here. Instead of wishing to be there.
Iʻm present and that, my friends, is everything.
xx,
Kate

Happy International Womenʻs Day.
“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.” — Diane Mariechild

Making a decision to change your perspective is greatly emboldened by the treasured art of committed practice. Every day, cultivate your ability to see more than before, and allow it - whatever it may be - before judging or quantifying what you perceive.  You might just be delighted.

Here are some resources on how and why this  is something to consider:

1. How To Make Mindfulness A Working Advantage (And Not Just Cuddly Nonsense)
https://www.fastcompany.com/40471927/how-to-turn-mindfulness-into-a-working-advantage-and-not-just-cuddly-nonsense

2. Being Busy Is Killing Our Ability to Think Creatively
http://bigthink.com/21st-century-spirituality/creativity-and-distraction

3. Can 10 Minutes of Meditation Make You More Creative?
https://hbr.org/2017/08/can-10-minutes-of-meditation-make-you-more-creative


​“Meditation will not carry you to another world, but it will reveal the most profound and awesome dimensions of the world in which you already live. Calmly contemplating these dimensions and bringing them into the service of compassion and kindness is the right way to make rapid gains in meditation as well as in life.”
​           ~Zen Master Hsing Yun

Thank you to Michelle Landis of Pinnacle 7, learn more here.

“For it is not inertia alone that causes the unspeakable monotonous and unrenewed human condition to repeat itself again and again. It is the aversion to anything new, any unpredictable experience, which is believed to be untenable.” - Rainer Maria Rilke

I heard that to train an elephant they use heavy shackles to tie him to  a tree, realizing the predicament he is in he eventually resigns himself to domestication — once the elephant relinquishes, the elephant trainers need only rope for restraint. Apparently broken, the elephant could - but does not venture escape.

We do this.
We do this every day: “the unspeakable montonous.”
We do this when we refuse to experience new places or when we only talk to people who think like us. We do this when we refuse to open up to a silly idea from a child or when we go home the same way from work - every. single. day. Did you know that a simple trick for re-sparking inspired, creative thinking is driving a different way?

Why?

Because when we do the same thing over and over again, the ever intelligent brain says: "There is nothing new to see here."  And doesnʻt even look.

You want to reread that sentence?


Have you ever taken an out of town guest to your favorite restaurant or coffee shop and they notice something you have never seen before? Itʻs because they are looking. They are seeing. Their brain is skrying the environment and noticing.

What did you notice on your way to work? The sky? The birds? Your text messages (hope not, both hands on the wheel!) Or are you thinking about what happened before you left — or worrying about what is yet to come?

Of course brainstorming and collecting thoughts for the day, or processing a conversation in the quiet of your car is great. But are we ever just present? Or radically grateful that we have a car to drive and a job to drive to?

It might sound trite, but allowing new vision - not imprinting the past as the present- reorganizes how your brain works. Because in the present, there is possibility.

When you are grateful — your brain says, “Oh, we are looking for things to be grateful for. What can I find now?“ and that sends a message through the neurotransmitters associated with dopamine, which incites the “Letʻs do this again” response. The brain - the ever wanting to please puppy, like all dogs when they have proper exercise, discipline, and affection — feels satiated by completing a task and receiving the reward of positive attention. So you can program your brain to look for things that make you happy.

You can allow your brain to inspire you.

Gratitude is one way. You can also slow down and notice. Slow down and be. Let new information come from within (put down the phone), take a walk, remember the feeling of inspiration. Can you remember your last true a-ha? Did you act on  the whispers?  Or did you find yourself explaining to friends after the fact, ”I knew it!” But did nothing.

Seth Godin recently asked, “What would you do if all your meetings were cancelled? Go do that - now.”  Why wait? You already know what you could be doing if you gave yourself permission.

As Elizabeth Gilbert says: "Consider this your permission slip." Now go have fun - be creative. Be a problem solver.

When we give pause, we can notice. When we give ourselves permission to dream broader, we act accordingly. We notice a co-worker that needs a hand. We can revision a parenting or an accounting problem. We can have a moment of not-knowing and surrender to that instead of repeating ad nauseam what we do know — and changing nothing but increasing our desperation and therefore inflammation, which serves only to makes us more upset and bitter.

To give space, to slow down, to notice beauty - in another, in artwork, in Nature — creates possibility.

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.”  ― Thomas Merton

To notice that your life has changed and perhaps you were once shackled with immovable mental chains, but maybe you arenʻt now. Maybe you are a little wiser, a little kinder, a little more courageous. Maybe you made that move, or started a gentler self talk, or enrolled into ceramics / wine tasting / outdoor canoeing club, and you are not only exercising your mind, you are exercising  your right to joy — and you are letting more of that in. You are letting a little more inspiration shine. Maybe breath by breath and choice by choice that metal chain is becoming a rope — and you can choose to slip it off and walk away.

What do you have to lose?


PS
If it is hard, if you feel that you are the only one, you are most likely in the best company of your own determination. Like this elephant — and it is from here that much change can happen

This piece is available and gorgeously created by Mish-el Benjamin.

Image: I have been playing with Black Out Poetry. You take newspaper articles and find the words to create a poem. I love it. It is more centering and focus creating than I expected, plus - it's fun!

Seth Godin was talking on Tim Ferris’ podcast about an initial online classroom that had been created from an audience who already supported him -  but people were leaving. When he looked closer he realized - and I am paraphrasing, you can listen here - that ‘Without the social pressure to perform, when it got hard, people left.’

That really got me thinking. The presence of pressure, or the presence of social accountability does not have to be utilized as a task master of fear, yet it is a presence we respond to and sometimes aspire from.

Corey and I were talking about how we are held together by pressure - atmospheric pressure. Without it: poof. Gone. Without a focal point we drift, and one of the most potent horizons to fix your life upon is service, in some way not just chasing for our own selves, but in service to some thing. Even if that is our creativity or beauty making -- it is still an offering.

I was in a recent meeting about what skill sets are missing in the workplace, and resoundingly, whether in schools, boardrooms or zoom rooms, the missing herb is resilience. The stick-with-it-ness to make ourselves grow. The commitment to be carved (asDawn Smelser phrased) - staying long after the initial high, the initial ease;  this is what we are missing.

And I would argue we are missing it so much some of us have cut out enjoyment as a measurable element altogether.  Meaning we don't have the stick-with-it-ness to believe that it can create enjoyment in our life, so we either forgo enjoyment or flit from flower high to flower high - without staying long enough to gather nectar.

I was recently talking with a coaching client, an educator and aspiring writer, and when we were aiming to address why she cannot find time to write, she said : “Well, enjoyment isn’t enough of a reason to schedule it.”

And then she heard herself.
And then we made a plan.
And now she was been writing 10 days going.

And guess what, she said: “It’s harder than I thought, some days I didn’t even like what I wrote - and it is going really fast and I love it.”

That’s resilience.

Keep going - or help someone else up. Same same.

“The world is always going to be dangerous, and people get badly banged up, but how can there be more meaning than helping one another stand up in a wind and stay warm?” - Anne Lamott
​

Want more? sign up for What’s Your Story? Inspiration Infiltrating your scroll time.

"A lot of creativity is about being in a network and... not so much about being this lone genius; it's much more about being connected." - Austin Kleon

I decided to spend more time developing my artist self this summer - in an easy, simple and just for myself kinda way. I did have my friend Damini Celebre's book Painting the Landscape of Your Soul  as my chosen guide. One reason I picked her book was that she told me to get kid's supplies, and the other was it is beautiful, like her, and the third - I respond to outside motivation and structure - plain and simple.

Guess what? It's fun.

Opening back to Art inspired me to invite a few new guests, add some sparkles and a little restructuring to re-open What's Your Story?: An Online Experiment in Creativity, starting August 6th - 22nd.  Registration is open  (see below).

In the spirit of gratitude and inspiration,  here is a varied list of creative resources for you. It's summer for most of us, and Mother Nature is in her full strength and playful grace -- what beauty are we creating and sharing along with her? Let the Creative Muse whisper into your ear and - have fun.

- Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic. I am rereading it. She invites you to stop complaining - it chases Inspiration away, say "I enjoy my creativity" instead and see what happens.
-  And there is the podcast On Being that I find exquisite.
-  If you are in Philly, you can go to my friend Mira + Shakti Devi's kirtan, here.
-  If you are in Kaua'i, you can go to my friend Kim Murriera's Form Drawing class, here.
-  For a week long creativity retreat, catch my friend Ann Randolphthis August at 1440 Multiversity.
-  If you want a Netflix to watch, Iris
-  You could watch this Marie Forleo interview of Sarah Jones  - what a creative genius! or one of her TedTalk performances here.
- And when you doubt, you can read this 
- Or dance to this.

"You may forget but 
let me tell you this:
someone in some 
future time will
think 
of us." - Sappho

We only get one go around - so make sure you are there for it,
Kate

I'm ready sign me up, to scroll less, create more + be a little nicer (optional but appreciated).
Enroll in What's Your Story? + a portion of each enrollment goes to New Leash On Life.